New Year

It's the start of 2009. I have to say I'm not sorry that 2008 is over. It wasn't exactly the greatest year for me. There are a few things that I am thankful as the new year starts.

I am thankful that I still have a job. The world hasn't exactly been a stable place this last year. Lots of people are without jobs, and I am in an industry that doesn't fair too well in these times. Somehow we are surviving. At beginning of last year nobody was sure that we would still be around at the end of the year, and things haven't exactly been calm at work. I have been feeling like the lady I work with has been trying to intentionally cause trouble for me.

I am thankful that I now have the cutest, sweetest, naughtiest puppy I have ever met. Yes he is all three. He is so sweet. He loves to give kisses, and play. He crawls under the covers with me every night when we go to bed. He loves to take naps with me, on my day off. Every morning he loves to watch me get ready, and when I am done, and he knows it is time to go in the kennel, which he hates, he will walk half across the room, and give me this look that says "Please, please don't put me that place again." As I walk over to pick him up, and does this little I give thing, where he gradually goes from standing, to sitting, to laying on his side, to laying on his back so I can rub his belly. Then after I rub his belly for a couple of seconds, and pick him up, and he lays his head on my shoulder as one last attempt to talk in me to not putting him in the kennel. As for the naughty. Well he will do things that he knows he isn't supposed to do. And sometimes he will look at me right before he does them just to make sure I am watching. This morning he woke me up at 6 am. Not to go potty, but to move out to the TV room downstairs. I thought he wanted to get up so he could play, so I moved to the couch turned the TV, and he laid down on my stomach and fell asleep. Are you kidding me. We couldn't do this in bed? Then when he finally did wake up and started to play he went over to his water bowl, and must have been playing it, because he came over by me a couple of minutes later, and his paw was wet, and his face, was all wet. It was so hard to yell at him, because it was so stinking cute.

I am thankful that for the first time since I have lived in Iowa/Nebraska, I had a family holdiay. I have always felt like I got a raw deal, because my sister could never go home for the holidays, since she worked at the casino. And my mom always did Thanksgiving at her house, so we did things different then other familys. Last year I told everyone that I wanted a family holiday, and since it couldn't be Christmas, I want everyone to get together on Thanksgiving. And it actually happened.

Some of the things that happened that I am not so thankful for, are that I was sick. Really sick 2 times this year. I lost hope. I lost hope that all the things that I have been praying and wishing for would come true. Because of this I have taking steps away from my faith. The thing that has kept me ground. The thing that pulled me thru the darkest times in my battle with my illness. One of my favorite verses, has been Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future." Somewhere along the way I feel like God has forgotten the parts about not harming me, and giving me hope. Where are the promises He made coming true for me. I see them coming true for other people around me, but not for me. That makes it really hard to continue to believe He is on my side. It has been very lonely to walk thru this year without relying on Him, like I have in the past. Without talking with Him. Without seeing Him in all the little things from day to day. It has only been in the last month that I have been trying to walk out my faith again. I have been trying to recongize Him in my daily activities. I am trying to see His love for me again. I am trying to have hope again.

I do think God has been trying to help me grow thru all this. I think He let me throw my tantrum, but I think He and I both knew I would be back eventually. In 2009, I will try to have hope. I will try to get off my ass more, and be more active. I will try to get back to church. I will try to be the person I was meant to be.