So I have been pondering...

something since Tuesday. Toby called me and asked me to come over so we could talk on Tuesday. I wasn't sure exactly what he felt we needed to talk about. We had date, he didn't want me, I had finally been able to be just friends with him, without wanting more. We could hang out and enjoy each other's company with out there being anything romantic, or intimate between the two of us. I was fine with where we were at... Maybe he was having a bad time at work, and needed someone to talk to. I didn't really know. 

So I went over there, to see what he wanted to talk about. At first we just hung out, and whatever then after a little while he told me he wanted to be boyfriend, girlfriend again. Whoa, what... back up here. I didn't know what was going on. I was a little confused. On the Thursday before I was talking to my sister about this whole Toby thing. She didn't think I was able to move on from him as long as I was friends with him. I told her that wasn't true. I knew we didn't have a future "together", and if someone else asked me out I would go with them. Toby was just a friend, to me and nothing more. Yes I stay at his house sometimes, but there was never any funny business going on. And I was dead set on this. So when he drop this bomb, I was totally blindsided. I thought about it for a minute, and told him that I had some concerns. First I was not sure I could trust him. He did some pretty rotten things in the past. Especially less then a year ago in January. I told him I wasn't ready to jump back into anything with him, until he could prove to me that, he wasn't going to pull that crap again. And I told him that if this is really what he wanted, and I decided that it was what I wanted that there would expectations there. No more of this "whatever Toby wants" crap. That yes it would be about the two of us, but that being with me includes my family. And my family functions. I was close with my family, and if he wanted to truly be with me he would have to be with my family. 

So we talked a little more. I didn't really come to a decision at this point. I just left it at he was going to have to do some major sucking up to me, and all that jazz before I put my heart back into us.

So now it is Friday, and I have been thinking about this for 3 days now. And I am no closer to a decision then I was on Tuesday night. I know, I know, I know. My mom hates him for all the stuff he has done. My best friend isn't crazy about him. My sister isn't crazy about him. Everyone would be upset with me if I did take him back. He has done a lot of things to hurt me, and make me cry. But on the other hand, he gets me. He is one of my best friends. We have a good time with each other. We like to do a lot of the same things. He can be really sweet, when I least expect it. He's completely neurotic like me. But can I trust him not to hurt me again. Can I trust that he won't change his mind in 3 months, or 6 months. Will I ever be able to fall in love with him again? And yes I do love him as a friend, but I have not been in love with him for some time. Will my family and friends ever be able to accept him again, and if not can I live with that?