Dear Mom

Last night as I was watching one of my favorite TV show's Brothers & Sisters, it made me think of you. One of the children of Nora Walker has been diagonosed with cancer, and at the end of the show she breaks down on her brothers shoulder, and it made me cry.

See about 5 years ago, you went thru something similar with me. It wasn't cancer, but it was a chronic illness that I was diagnosed with. It was the scariest time I have and probably will ever see. All the tests, all the procedures, all the months of treatment without getting any better. I will never know how hard that must have been for you.

I don't think most parents ever dream their child will get sick, or that the child might die before them. And these were both things you had to deal with from 500 miles. You never once let on to me how scared you were. You were my rock. I don't know how you did it.

When I was in the hospital, you came up every day to visit me. You took time away from work to sit with me. For 2 weeks you never missed a day. Twice sometimes 3 times a day you would come up. Not once shedding a tear.

That first night when I was checked into the hospital, I was too scared to even really truly know what was going on, but you were there with a brave face on. It was only a couple of months later that I found out from my brother that you walked into his place of work, and broke down into tears. You never once let on to me what was going on inside.

You brought up stuff for me constantly to take my mind off of things. You made my time in the hospital so much less scary. How did you do that? How did you hide things so well from me. How did you manage to keep me hoping, when hope seemed to be lost?

Even now that I have been mostly healthy for a couple of months the thought of my illness is never far from my mind. The thought of how quickly things can go from good to bad is always there. When I am sick, and I just want to give up. When I feel like I will never feel healthy again, you are there encouraging me to keep trying. To keep pushing. You never let me give up. You always lift me up to fight again. And at times when I haven't felt like fighting you have stepped in and tried to fight for me.

Thank you for your strength thru the last 5 years. Thank you for always pushing. Thank you for kidnapping me, and take me for treatment. Thank you for all your love, and all your support even when I am sure there were times you felt you had no strength left, you managed to find some for me. Thank you. I truly love you for all the little things that you think may go unnoticed, but they aren't.

I love you more then words can say
Bear