Crappy Week

I just have to say that I have the shittiest week I have had in a good year or two. I can't go into on my blog. People read it that it has to do with, (NO family members and no one that I live with) But something just happened and I am still in shock over it. I just could never imagine. But I am so super pissed right now, I have to get out some anger or else I might just break something. Yes that is seriously how upset I am right now.

And it has nothing to do with Toby. Just in case you were wondering.

A Good Thing

So I have been posting a whole lot lately, but I have been trying to talk about the Good Things that Toby has been doing instead of only talking about the bad things. I have always appreciated the Good Things, but I never really talked about them, because you don't need help and support or a shoulder to cry on over the Good Things. So I thought I should maybe let everyone in on some of the good things he has been doing recently.

1) He bought me a heart of Reese's PB cups for Vday. This is my favorite candy and some how he found this out. I am sure I mentioned it at some point, but he actually remembered, and actually got me something for Vday. I didn't really think he would. He has never bought me a present for anything in the past.

2) On that same track the week of Vday some brought in heart cookies and he got up off his butt and brought one back to my office. (In the past he wouldn't have even told me they were up front let alone bring me one).

3) When he found out I wanted to lose 20 more lbs, he said "Only 20?" I gave him a look that could have killed, and he said "No I mean 20 seems like a lot, I don't really think you need to lose any. But if you are really going to do this I can do something nice for you when you get your goal. What do you want?" I told him that if I could take the weight off and keep it off he had to take me on a date once a month, and said if I did lose and kept it off he would take me 2 times a month.

4) Yesterday when I got back from Carey's I was in a sad mood, Long story It will not be in a different blog posting. But he wanted me to come over. I called him and told him I wasn't going to be very good company. He said Ok. Then stay home and spend time with your puppy, pet him, and relax and I will see you tomorrow. (In the past he would have made me feel like I was being a big baby or whatever, and that he wasn't important to me)

5) SO today he stopped into my office first thing, and asked if I was feeling better. He asked if what ever was wrong with me had to do with him. I told him No, that it was just some stuff that happened over the weekend. And when I told him, he told me to hang in there, and was actually supportive, and understanding. And he told me to not stop hoping that things will get better.

6) He has called me a couple of times today to just ask me something he didn't need my help with but after wards he would say... Well have a good day, or a better day, or whatever you need to do.

7) Today he offered to powerwash my truck. Never in all my time here, has he offered to do this.

There are a couple of other things, but these were the big ones or even the small ones, but the ones that won lots of points with me.

I will try to do better about telling people the good things he can and has done. So everyone can see he isn't all bad.

My Mom

It was my mom's birthday on the 19th. She's out of town, so I didn't right something on the day, but I thought I would right something now.

She is a great mom. I look at my friends' mom, and I marvel at how lucky I am that she is my mom. I don't always show how much I am grateful that she is my mom.

She has taught me how to stand on my own. How to handle a hard situation. When I got old enough, she made me stand on my own two feet. I am sure she would have rather of just stepped in, and made every thing better, but she didn't. She would let me fall and get hurt, and make mistakes. But she would always be there to help me celebrate if things went well, and give me a shoulder to cry on if things didn't work out the way I wanted.

When my dad left, and things were hard, she could have said things about my dad to turn me against him. And it wouldn't have taken much. There were times when I really hated him, but everytime, that I would dump on her about what ever horrible things I thought he had done (they weren't usually that horrible), she would dry my tears, and tell me that he was my father, and that he loved even if I couldn't see at that point. She never told me how awful she thought he was, never said I should hate because of what he did to her and too us.

After my sister and I moved 500 miles away she met a wonderful man, George. I didn't warm up to him right away. (I'm kind of stubborn like that.) It's not that I didn't think he was a wonderful man. It's not like I wanted her and my dad to get back together. I just don't always like to meet new people. George is a great man, and he loves my mother very much. He is the one she was meant to be with. I know in my heart that that is the truth. He has been a wonderful addition to our family. He has opened his heart to my sister and her family, and me and my brother. Even though we all were grown and out of the house. He has never once thought of us as anything other then his "kids" too. How did my mother find this man.

A couple of year ago I was diagonised with a chronic illness. She was on her way out of the country at the time. I don't think she was too happy about that fact. But I understood. I know that if I had really wanted her there all I would have had to do was ask, and she would have in a minute. And I did want her there, but I didn't want her to cancel her vacation. A couple of months later when I had to have surgery, she came down at a minutes notice, and took me home with her to help me recover. And a couple of months after that when I got really really sick, and my doctors down here couldn't seem to get me better. She kidnapped me took me back to Wisconsin, and took me to the hospital there. She never once let on how scared or worried she was. I found out later that she was really scared and really worried. She came to my room every day for 12 days to visit. She took the first week off, and then she would stop before work, during her lunch break, and then after she got done with work. If it weren't for her (and my Grandpa Schuler) I would probably still be sick, and who knows what else.

She is a great mom. She has made me the person I am today. She encourages me to be more. To be better. To be greater. She is always there when I need her, and I know she loves me in a way I will never be able to understand. She doesn't see as anyone else sees me, and I dont' see her as anyone else sees her. I see her as a super hero. With the extra special power of "Mother's Love" it is healing, it is stronger then steel, it can see throw all my crap, and it never fades. I haven't found Krpytonite for it yet (not that I would want to). Thank goodness she is my mom.

Happy Birthday Mom!!

Damn Cupid!!

I hate Valentine's Day. Not because of the yucky love stuff that goes with it, but because it comes 2 days before my birthday. 2 days before my birthday so do you know what that means.
I can't go out to dinner for my birthday because everyone else is going out to dinner with their sweeties, and unless you want to wait atleast an hour you don't go.
I don't get flowers for my birthday. Do you know what the mark up is for flowers the month of February? I will say I have gotten flowers once or twice from my mom and sister, for my birthday. Probably because I have bitched so much about not being able to get them because of the cost. Third I hate that right around my birthday I am reminded that I have no one to spend Valentine's with let alone my birthday. (Yes yes I want you to feel sorry for me is it work yet?)
So this year, I decided if I can't have a Valentine to spend Valentine's day with I would take my birthday off and spend it with the kids. I am having the 4 kids come over for a day of pizza, soda, candy, Wii maybe some movies. I am going to make them little Valentine's photo books, and I am just going to enjoy the people I love most. Inspite of Cupid!!